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The Young and Healthy Podcast. You’re listening to the Cincinnati Children’s Young and Healthy Podcast.
Kate Setter
Hello and welcome back to the Cincinnati Children’s Young and Healthy Podcast. I’m Kate Setter, your host for today. And joining me in the studio today is Ashley Cremins, who is a repeat guest. Thanks for being back with us, Ashley.
Ashley Cremeans
Thank you for having me again.
Kate Setter
Absolutely. So Ashley is a social worker in our Meyerson Center for Safe and Healthy Children here at Cincinnati Children’s. And she’s joined us before to talk about related subjects, but today we’re really going to dive into the topic of consent. We’re going to kind of go younger kids to middle-aged kids to older kids and kind of look at what is consent, how do we give it, why is it important, just what do parents need to know to help their kids understand this concept of saying yes if they would like to and no if they won’t or if they don’t. So Ashley, let’s start kind of at the beginning. When we talk about consent, and younger kids. What does that mean and what is kind of that starting point, those building blocks of understanding it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, and I think it’s important across every age and stage for your kids. The biggest thing to remember when you talk about consent is the goal is to empower your kids to set boundaries and to respect the boundaries of other kids. As parents, we have to answer a lot of tough questions for our kids. And when we have these tough conversations, our goal is to build a relationship with them so that they know that they can trust us and they can come to us to answer these tough questions and to keep a good dialogue with them so that across every age, they know they can ask us these tough conversations. So when we think about young kids, as soon as they’re able to start talking, we want to start identifying body parts and really start having those conversations with them. So we talked last year about boundaries and really talking about respecting privacy and letting them know that they can have privacy with their body and that they can go to their rooms and have privacy and teaching them that it’s okay to understand their comfort levels with their bodies and saying no if they’re uncomfortable with something. So if they don’t like a hug or a kiss or a tickle, it’s okay to empower them to say no and to let them know that that’s their body and that we need to be respectful of that and that we need to understand that that’s okay and asking permission first. Is it okay that we do this? Is it okay that I give you a hug? Is it okay that I give you a tickle? That’s really empowering for kids that they have the right to say no to those things. And also with family members or friends, it’s okay to say, no, I’m not okay with grandma or aunt or uncle giving those kinds of touches or things like that. And then empowering them in, you know, role modeling and building in conversations of what alternative options are for those kinds of touches if you’re no longer comfortable with hugs or kisses. or tickles. What about a high five? Can we do that instead? How about a fist bump? Would that be better? So that way we can kind of start modeling those conversations with kids. So that way, if some sort of touch feels uncomfortable, they know what alternative options are. So, you know, if you don’t want grandma to give you a kiss, you can do a fist bump instead or a high five. And they feel empowered to know what to say instead. And also they know what to do if a touch feels uncomfortable, who they can go to and who they can tell if something makes them feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be a touch that’s inappropriate. It can be a touch like a kiss, like I don’t feel okay with that. And then they know who to tell if it makes them feel uncomfortable. And it really starts to build their confidence and know that they can trust their instincts when something doesn’t feel right and who they can tell when it doesn’t feel good.
Kate Setter
And we do have that conversation from last year that we will link as well if you want to hear that full conversation about boundaries and what we talked about there. And so that’s a perfect grounding and kind of those youngest kids, we build that foundation of trust, they know who to come to if something, if they don’t like something, they didn’t like a touch. What about kids as they kind of move into adolescence? And then how can parents start explaining what consent means kind of to those kids in that age-appropriate way?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so for adolescents, that’s when they’re really starting to build those relationships with friends, with peers. That’s when we really start wanting to talk to them about conversations, how they’re building those relationships with them. So we’re moving past that like no means no and more into how to have healthy conversations and healthy relationships with their peers. And that’s when peer pressure really starts to take a factor too. So we want to talk about how to respect each other’s limits and wishes. That’s when you can really start to have conversations too about not making people do things that they don’t want to do. Does your friend want to come over? Asking questions. If they don’t want to come over, then respect the no. Does your friend, when you’re out with a friend, do they want to play basketball in the driveway? No. Okay, don’t make your friend play basketball if they don’t want to play basketball. If they’re okay with something, then respect the yes or respect the no. So really having those respectful conversations of yes and no. It also helps make sure there’s not misunderstandings between friends. I feel like in this adolescent age, that’s when drama starts to happen because there’s a lot of misunderstandings because people just don’t have good, clear communication. So I feel like with adolescents, we need to start having those conversations of respecting each other and having good, clear boundaries. So what we talked about about with kids about clear boundaries, we need to continue to repeat. I don’t know if anybody, when you have adolescence, I have a kid in adolescence, it’s a conversation you need to have often and repeating it because they don’t need to hear it just once, they need to hear it often. And it’s ones where you need to be checking in with them. How were things with your friends today? Tell me about what you did today. What did you guys do when you hung out? Did everything go okay? Was there anything that made you feel uncomfortable? Like just kind of checking in with them. This is when, you know, how Did you guys play video games today? What did you guys do on your video games? Like just do regular check-ins with your kids because this is when those things start popping up. This is also the digital age. Everybody’s on their phones, everybody’s playing video games. So just checking in that making sure that there’s nothing that made them feel like unsafe or uncomfortable in that adolescent age. This is when those things start to spring up that we can kind of start to miss.
Kate Setter
Any advice for kind of those adolescent teens? I feel like they do say yes sometimes, but there are some clues too that they, maybe that peer pressure is a factor in what they’re saying. Any like tips on how to recognize that like, okay, maybe they said yes, but we should follow up. We should make sure that they actually want to play basketball. They’re not just saying yes because they think you do.
Ashley Cremeans
I think you can kind of check in too, like, If you’re saying yes, like, did you say yes because everybody else said yes, but you didn’t really want to say yes? Like, just checking in, like, is there something alternatively that you would like to do? Like, or is this something that we can play for like a little bit of time and then there’s something else that you would like to do instead? So just kind of maybe offering alternative solutions for kids. So I think just kind of offering options is a great idea too. So I think when you ask kids, like, we could do this or we could do this, So giving multiple selections is a great idea too. So that way kids don’t feel forced choices that they have to do this. So giving options would be good for that adolescent age. I brought up the digital thing. This teen, this adolescent age is when they’re all starting to get phones. So remembering not to share information that you get on phones. I feel like this group is all starting to get cell phones and they’re all starting to text. So reminding kids in this age not to share things that you get on your phones, not to share conversations. That digital privacy needs to be private too. I feel like that’s where a lot of consent needs to be shared and talked about because that’s where a lot of things get skewed and kids don’t realize that what you talk about in phones is also needs to be consent conversations. So that’s a good conversation to start having with this age group as well. as well.
Kate Setter
Agree. I like that a lot. So I want to shift gears again now, kind of take that additional step older to kids who might be starting to have dating relationships. And I want to dig just a little bit deeper around like pressure and silence and feeling obligated. What are some common misunderstandings that teens have about consent in these spaces that are a little bit tough to navigate?
Ashley Cremeans
So Moving from like adolescents to teens, consent, a lot of kids don’t understand that consent, there’s not a legal definition of consent. What consent needs to be is a verbal yes. It’s non-negotiable. You have to say yes. When you’re talking about any kind of like, as we move into this, we’re moving into the teen years when you talk about yes, when you talk about consent, It’s voluntarily given. It can’t be forced. There can’t be any threats. There can be no manipulation. It has to be a verbal yes. And at any time, you can change your mind. So if you don’t want to do something and you’re doing things or you’re saying okay to something or saying yes to something, and then something happens and you change your mind and you say no, immediately, whatever action you’re doing stops because you’ve then withdrawn consent.
Kate Setter
So yes, thank you for kind of bridging us into the teens. And this feels like the years where we, like you were just saying, we start to talk about doing things with others that are sometimes more intimate in nature and really love talking through that you can change your mind anytime. Can you talk about what consent is not, including how it, can’t happen under the influence of drugs and alcohol. What other situations where consent cannot live?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, so consent definitely cannot happen under the influence of drugs and alcohol. So if a person is intoxicated or they are asleep, consent cannot be given. So if they’re drunk, if they’re high, if they’re passed out, Consent has to be clear. It has to be voluntarily given. If you’re impaired in those situations, you cannot give clear consent with that person. They have to be able to clearly communicate yes in a meaningful way. So in that situation, you’re not no party, one or the other. If one is impaired, they can’t clearly give consent. If both are impaired, they cannot clearly give consent at that point. Consent is not silent. If you are sitting there and you’re not talking, you’re not giving consent. If you are saying, I guess, or I’m not sure, that’s not consent. If you are uncertain and you freeze in the moment, That’s not consent. If you sit there and you go along with it, that’s not consent. It’s a clear yes. It’s you verbalize and you say yes. One of the things I have teen boys, one of the things I always say is if you’re not sure, ask, like, are you okay with this? Is this all right with you? How do you feel? Are you okay moving forward? Are we moving too fast? Is this okay? If you are uncertain about how you’re moving forward with the person that you’re in a dating relationship with, or if you’re kissing, you’re holding hands, whatever you’re doing, if you’re not certain about how the person that you’re with is feeling, ask the question. Like it’s always okay to stop and ask. And no point, like I know these conversations for parents are awkward. In no way is the goal of these conversations to give permission for your kids to have sexual relationships or anything like that. The goal of these consent conversations is for protection, is to make sure your kids know that they have tools to keep themselves safe in their dating relationships and to make sure that they’re healthy and that they know to have protection and to be safe and to make sure they’re safe in their dating relationships. The goal is for protection and for promotion. It’s not to like, it’s not to promote having sex. That’s not what consent conversations are for. It’s to make sure that they feel safe in their dating relationships.
Kate Setter
I feel like so many things with teenagers, the more we talk about it, the more they have these opportunities to have the words to use in the moment when that comes out. up. And I love some of these words that you’re giving us. What are things that often feel sticky for kids, feel difficult to navigate in these spaces?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I mean, I think a big one is that teenagers that are in relationships that have had like sexual relationships with partners before, And then maybe later on, or a situation pops up that they don’t want to have a sexual encounter, that something happens and they don’t want to have sex, and… they feel obligated to or something happened and they didn’t want to have sex, that time doesn’t necessarily mean that was a consensual encounter. Just because you had sex once before with this person and then later have sex with them when you didn’t want to, consent is required every time. Like just because you did it once doesn’t mean that time is consensual. And then a lot of times, When I talk to kids, they feel pressured. A partner asks over and over and over again, and they end up agreeing or feeling like they had to because they were asked over and over and over again to do it. So then they do it because they felt obligated to because that person would not stop asking to do it.
Kate Setter
And what’s your advice to kids who are in that situation with a partner who just keeps asking What would we say to them to help them through that situation?
Ashley Cremeans
It’s very difficult because like we’ve talked about, peer pressure is very hard. I mean, as much as I can, I would encourage you to continue to use your voice. When we’re talking to parents, what I encourage them to do is when we have these conversations to set up some sort of system. Is there a code word, something you can text? Like, I feel unsafe in this situation. Can you come get me? Like some sort of safety system that they can immediately call their parent or text their parent to get out to where they know right away that something’s not okay and I need you to come get me now. So that way they know something’s not right and I need picked up immediately. So that way if they’re at a friend’s house or a boyfriend’s house or a girlfriend’s house and something’s not okay, I need to leave right away.
Kate Setter
And I feel like that’s one of the ways that technology actually helps us because GPS allows us to know where they are and to get to them fast. And so while technology has definitely introduced some complicating situations, There are some really good things about it as well.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
That’s great advice. Thank you for that. So I want to move now to ask you about consent laws. And what are they? Do they vary by state? What do families and kids need to know about these laws and the way they affect them.
Ashley Cremeans
So, and because we’re in the tri-state area, it makes it nice and tricky because Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky all have different age of consent laws. So it makes it nice and messy that it can’t just be clear. Ohio, their consent laws, no one under the age of 12 can consent to sex with anyone. So that’s automatic. 13 to 15 can consent to sex with anyone that’s 13 to 17. So there’s this four-year age window where they can have consensual sex with anyone that same age range. And then 16 and older can consent to sex with anyone of any age. So that’s like an interesting caveat. So they can have sex with any person, any adult. as long as they’re not person who’s like a caregiver or providing like a teacher, a coach, person of authority. So as long as they’re not in that power authority role.
Kate Setter
So that’s Ohio. So that’s Ohio.
Ashley Cremeans
Yes.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Kentucky is a little different. No one under the age of 15 can consent to sex. And then, so that’s no age, like there’s no age limit there. So no one 15 or younger can consent to sex. 16 or 17 can consent to sex. And then theirs is a little different. There’s like an age limit, like they can’t, that’s like 10 or older, 10 years or older.
Kate Setter
Oh, than the person who’s consenting.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah. So like if you’re 16, you can’t, it’s nobody like 26 or older. Like, so there’s no like 10 year age limit for them?
Kate Setter
Okay. 10 year age gap between the two people.
Ashley Cremeans
Between the two people, yeah.
Kate Setter
Interesting, okay.
Ashley Cremeans
And then again, same thing, no caregiver, no legal, all of, for same, it’s pretty much the same all over. Like no person of power or authority, they can’t have sex with anybody in that age with that like power or authority rule. Then Indiana’s kind of similar, 13 and younger, can’t have sex with anybody. 14 and 15 can have sex with 14 to 17. And then 14 and 15, anybody 18 and older, is illegal for them. And then 16 and older can have sex with anybody, 14 and older. It’s very tricky. So this is where we run into issues because I’ll tell you, we see mostly kids in Ohio here at the Mayerson Center. Most of our interviews, most of the people we see are from Ohio. And where we run into the most complicated situations are our 13 to 15 year olds who have relationships with people who are older than 18 and they didn’t realize it. So then that becomes a crime.
Kate Setter
Okay.
Ashley Cremeans
Or we see our kids who are like 13 that just had like had just turned 13 or like our 12s who didn’t realize like a 12 year old who had sex with someone who was a little bit older than them, and then that person is a perpetrator now, like a 12 with a 14-year-old, and now that 14-year-old is considered a perpetrator of a crime. So you got like your middle schoolers who are having sex, that now the 12-year-old is considered a victim because they’re 12 because they can’t consent, but a 14-year-old would be considered a perpetrator of a crime.
Kate Setter
And so all of this feels like This is why the conversations with parents are so important, for parents to understand who their kids are in relationships with. Yes. And be able to know how old they are and what some of these situations are, because that sounds like it gets complicated really quickly.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. And it’s like, I think the hardest part is a lot of times kids think that they, 12’s probably our hardest because they don’t realize they can consent. to anything. Like they’re the hardest ones to understand because they think they have every right to, and as a parent, you’re like, 12, no way would you ever have sex. But they come in and they’re like, oh yeah, absolutely. And they don’t realize that they’re not old enough to consent. And they come in guns a-blazing, ready to not want to talk to us. But their parents are furious because they never wanted this to happen to them and they want them to fully proceed with a criminal investigation. But this person’s their boyfriend, their girlfriend, and they’re so mad that their parents want them to have a criminal investigation, but they love this person. That’s their 13, 14 year old boyfriend. Like in our eyes, it’s not, they don’t think it’s a crime, but it’s because they just didn’t understand that it’s criminal. It’s criminal. So that’s why it’s so important for us as parents to know what’s legal, what’s not legal, because you just, these are 5th and 6th graders. You just didn’t know, nobody knew. that it was illegal.
Kate Setter
And they’re kids navigating very grown-up things.
Ashley Cremeans
It is, yeah.
Kate Setter
But thank you for running through those. That is complicated. It is. And knowing that there are probably kids who have relationships with kids in other states as well, that just, that gets complicated.
Ashley Cremeans
It does, yeah. So that’s why it’s hard to, that’s very hard to navigate. And it’s a lot of hard conversations that we have, like while we understand that you didn’t realize this was illegal, your parent wants to protect you. And I think that’s the hardest conversation that we have to have with kids. And even our like, our 13, our ones that are in that legal age where they can consent, like they don’t, a lot of times parents get mad when the kids are old enough to consent and they want to go after when they’re still in that legal age. Like they didn’t realize that they were both still old enough to consent. and they don’t want them to be having, I mean, most parents don’t want their middle schoolers, their freshmen in high school to be having sexual relations. So a lot of times that’s when we still see parents wanting to pursue criminal charges even when they’re old enough to consent to sex. So I think that it’s still important to know what those ages are so that you don’t get yourself in trouble because I think that’s where things get complicated. I think the other one that’s the most hard to navigate is when it becomes the 16, the ones that are older, like that 13, when that four-year window lapses, that gets hard too.
Kate Setter
Because then you’re talking adults and things get complicated there too.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah.
Kate Setter
Okay. Thank you for running through all of that with us.
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, it’s hard to remember and hard to navigate sometimes.
Kate Setter
As we wrap up our conversation, if families were to take away just a few key messages about consent from the conversation we’ve had today. What would you want them to remember?
Ashley Cremeans
I think the biggest thing is to remember that these conversations are difficult at any age, especially with teenagers, probably they’re the hardest to navigate. They’re awkward conversations to have, especially with those teens, but they’re probably the most important ones to have because it’s the ones that are going to protect our kids. It’s going to keep them safe. So the goal is to have them so that they can navigate real life situations and they can do it with confidence. It’s best when we do these regularly, having them throughout their life all the time as much as we can so that we can keep them safe and having the conversations in a lot of different ways. When I talk to my kids and when I tell parents to have these conversations, I encourage them to do them in low impact conversations. So while you’re driving to and from practice, when you’re driving to and from places, because you’re not face to face, these are awkward conversations to have. So trying to do them front to front when you’re eye to eye, awkward. Nobody wants to do that. So do it in the car when you’re, it’s just you and them, nobody else in the car. You’re not, not a lot of pressure, and you have a little bit of privacy, so that way you can just have a little bit of time to talk to them in the car, back and forth to places. Bring it up when you have a little bit of time, though, so that way if something does spark from that, you’ve got some time to sit down and talk about it. Be okay with not knowing all the answers, though. So if they ask you a question you don’t know the answer to, that’s okay. I’m not sure. We can look that up together. We’ll figure it out together. If you don’t know the answers, that’s all right.
Kate Setter
And do you have any trusted resources or support that you particularly think is valuable for families to know is available for them if they need it?
Ashley Cremeans
Yeah, I mean, so Mayerson Center, our website has a lot of great resources on healthy boundaries. We can send out resources about like what consent is if you need them. You can always reach out to us and we can send them out to you. Loveisrespect.org is a great resource when it comes to resources on healthy dating relationships. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, so there’s lots of resources in the community right now all about teen dating violence all over online right now about that.
Kate Setter
I think that was everything I had prepared for us today, Ashley. Any final thoughts?
Ashley Cremeans
I don’t think so. Like I said, this conversation is not about giving your kids permission to have sex. It’s about giving them tools to be safe and making sure that they have respectful relationships and starting the conversations to keep them safe. So it’s just about keeping the conversation open and creating a good, healthy dialogue so that you guys can have a great, trustful relationship moving on. So just keep the conversation and going.
Kate Setter
Fantastic. Thank you so much for joining us today. We’ve been talking with Ashley Cremins, and we are grateful for her time and for this conversation. Thank you for listening to the Young and Healthy Podcast. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure you follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you love to listen. You can stay connected and get the latest updates by following us on Instagram at Young and Healthy Pod. If you find this episode helpful, share it with your friends and family because staying young and healthy is something we can all do together. We’ll see you next time. This episode was recorded on February 17th, 2026. The information in the Young and Healthy Podcast is intended for informational and educational purposes only. This episode was produced by Kayla McNeal, and our theme music was created by Steven Grieco.