“Ok, repeat after me,” I told my 6-year old daughter:
“I am a tough little girl in a tough little world and
I am bound to have bumps and scrapes.”
She repeated it perfectly, even laughed as she wiped the tears out of her eyes and got back up on her bicycle. Lesson number one on how to live a Heroic Journey Mindset. She is 31 today, and still remembers the power of that statement.
Life is tough–and we are bound to get bumps and scrapes, many worse than falling from our bikes in the playground. But the mindset of resilience comes with setting ourselves up for success from the beginning and reminding ourselves as we go through life.
This became painfully clear when my wife was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2016, and she faced an uncertain future with 35 radiation treatments and 3 heavy chemo doses. I later recounted her bravery in my Ted-x “Developing Your Heroic Journey Mindset.” When she was given the devastating news that she would not be able to eat due to the damage her throat would suffer from the procedures, it was a major setback. While the doctors described the need for a port for her infusions and a PEG feeding tube placed in her stomach wall, she took a deep breath and summoned her Heroic Journey Mindset. She accepted both of the procedures, but only after renaming the port tube “Power” and the PEG tube “Purpose.” And now she had Power and Purpose to take with her on her journey. I still get choked up thinking about it.
These are the moments when we most need to summon our humble courage and step bravely into the unknown. In my Ted-x talk I outlined Six Critical Elements to help bolster our Heroic Journey Mindset:
- Keep breathing and develop “loose knees.”
Think of your breathing as an open window of possibility for your soul–the more fresh air, the better. And your knees—think of them as emotional shock-absorbers…helping you to deal with any news with more buoyancy and flexibility.
- Trust, have faith, intuit, feel, reflect, and notice everything.
It is all going to work out the way it is supposed to. Trust that. Feel everything and notice everything that is happening along the way.
- Develop an attitude of sacred gratitude.
Despite the devastating news for my wife and I, this time on our journey together was one of our most illuminating times, bringing us closer together through everything. We had so much for which to be grateful that we started lists and added to them each day, every day.
- Create a community and symbolize milestones.
We shared our journey with a wide network of friends and accessed the CaringBridge website to make communication easier. We looked for points and milestones to acknowledge progress and still celebrate anniversaries of her “all clear” date!
- Unleash your sense of humor.
This is hugely important. Finding the humor even in the hard times kept us from wallowing and sinking into despair.
- Help others on the path. Pass on what you learn.
We found the stories of other people’s journeys so important that we committed to openly sharing what we learned with others as they began their own health journeys. Isolation is fatal. We need the strength of the community to keep us focused on the positive and ever mindful of possibility thinking.
The Heroic Journey Mindset is not about avoiding life’s bumps and scrapes, it is about how we learn from them. It is built in the small moments and tested in the hard ones, when we choose courage, gratitude, and faith over fear.
My daughter carried that simple affirmation with her into adulthood. My wife carried Power and Purpose through the fight of her life. Both remind me that resilience is not something we are born with, it is something we practice, one step at a time.
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