How to Talk to Kids About Eating Disorders

I’ve dealt with a debilitating eating disorder that started when I was about seven years old and endured it into my mid-twenties. What began as regimented eating and strict dietary habits that stemmed from my days as a track and marathon runner, spiraled into a deluge of pain and suffering. I subjected my mind and body to extremes in starvation, binging and purging, and laxative abuse—all of which resulted in several hospitalizations. 

After seeking out therapy and venturing down a path to recovery, I am stable and more at peace with myself day-to-day. I’m now the mother of a 4 year-old, and those days of trauma and pain feel like a lifetime ago.

Why It’s Important for Parents to Address Eating Disorders With Kids

But I still carry the scars and I am diligent about the messaging I pass on to my child, because I know that, statistically “health visits for eating disorders more than doubled for children under the age of 17” per John Hopkins Medicine. I’ve made it a priority to ensure that my little one cultivates a happy relationship with food. 

She isn’t at the age where we can talk about such a complex topic openly. Instead, I model healthy behaviors which includes sharing in mealtimes together, never forcing her to finish every last morsel on her plate (and instead honor her satiation cues when she tells me her belly is full, saving the rest for later in case she is still hungry), and offering reasons why, for instance, eating vegetables over gummy bears every night will make her big and strong so she can touch the highest elevator buttons (because that’s her main priority at the moment). 

But in our household, there’s never been any ‘forbidden foods’ she cannot eat—as a result, she will actually request steamed peas over pizza sometimes.

With the inevitable influences that will arise from her peers to what she’ll see on social media one day, I don’t have complete control over her perspective on food and body image. To help out not just myself, but other parents too, I talked to experts on how to tackle difficult conversations about eating disorders with your kids. 

First of All, What Constitutes an Eating Disorder? 

Dr. Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP, is a Board Certified Clinical Psychologist, author, mom of twins, and speaker with over two decades of experience in treating severe obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorders says that an eating disorder is a serious mental-health condition. 

“It is marked by ongoing struggles with food, eating behaviors, weight, or body image that interfere with a child’s physical health, emotional well-being, and daily life,” she explains. 

Dr. Tamir Aldad, a board-certified psychiatrist and CEO of same-day mental health clinic Mindful Care explains that eating disorders also go far beyond characterizations of ‘picky eating’ or dieting; and instead, will significantly interfere with everyday life. 

“Although these conditions manifest through food, they are not simply about eating habits; they reflect deeper issues involving control, coping, and self-image,” he adds. 

Why Do Eating Disorders Happen? 

The most important thing to note is that if an eating disorder does occur, it is never the child’s fault nor is it caused by one specific aspect of their personalities or one inciting event. 

“Eating disorders develop from a mix of biological, psychological, and environmental factors — including genetics, anxiety, perfectionism, social media pressure, weight stigma, and peer comparison,” says Yip.

Younger and younger kids are given ease of access to social media that can often go unregulated, which means they are exposed to images and other content that might trigger or worsen an eating disorder. 

“Social media adds another powerful layer by creating constant opportunities for comparison and reinforcing unrealistic body standards. Many young people today are growing up in an environment where filtered images and dieting messages feel normal, and that pressure can contribute to disordered eating patterns,” says Aldad. 

He adds that in many instances, eating disorders are less about food and more about a means of coping with stress, controlling uncertainty, and building identity during a vulnerable developmental stage. 

How to Talk to Your Kids About Eating Disorders 

If you have any concerns about your child’s eating habits or changing behavior, the first step is to address them compassionately. 

“Sudden changes in eating habits, avoiding meals, frequent trips to the bathroom after eating, excessive interest in calories, or withdrawing from family meals should prompt gentle conversation,” Dr. Aldad says.

Always start conversations from a calm mindset and lead with compassion and curiosity instead of accusation. Additionally, avoid commenting on weight or appearance, diagnosing, or rushing to solutions—these methods could overwhelm your child, causing them to withdraw, and don’t underlying mental health issues that will eventually need support from medical and therapeutic professionals.  

Dr. Aldad advises using direct language, rather than using vague euphemisms which might be confusing, and to show concern without judgement. Your goal should be to show your child that the door is open to support them in any capacity. 

It’s also important to exercise patience as the goal isn’t striving for the perfect conversation that magically solves their problems. Instead, it’s fostering emotional safety to allow kids to know they can trust you and accept help, whether from a parent or health professional.

If the child engages, parents can add, “you don’t have to handle this alone. We can figure it out together.”  However, if the child shuts down, parents can respond with something like, “That’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. I’m not going anywhere, and we can come back to this when you’re ready.”

What to do if you’re concerned for your child’s immediate safety

Dr Aldad says that if safety is of concern, he advises asking the following even if it will be uncomfortable: “I also want to ask something important. Have you ever felt like hurting yourself or done anything to your body that worries you?”

He adds that if the answer is yes or unclear, parents should respond with reassurance, not panic and to say something like, “Thank you for telling me. You’re not in trouble, and this doesn’t change how I feel about you. It just means we need a little more support.”

Professional help can be introduced in a gentle manner, for instance. “Talking to a therapist or doctor doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you deserve help.”

How Else to Help If You See Signs of an Eating Disorder

Dr. Aldad says that if you notice signs of an eating disorder in your child, to know that it is a treatable illness, not a choice—but that early intervention can make a significant difference in long-term outcomes.

To avoid confrontation or criticism, he suggests that parents frame their phasing with the following, ‘I’ve noticed you seem stressed around food, and I’m here to listen.’ 

He says the next step should be reaching out to a pediatrician, psychiatrist, or therapist who specializes in eating disorders. “These conditions require professional support, and it is difficult for families to manage them alone.” 

He adds that at Mindful Care, forms of treatment can involve a combination of medical evaluation, therapy, nutrition support, and family education. “The most important message for children and teens is that eating disorders are not their fault, and help is available,” says Aldad.

How to Create a Body Positive Environment in Your Home

Parents need to be conscious about the language they use surrounding bodies and food if they want their kids to have positive associations with both. First of all, focus on health and strength, not weight or appearance.

“Avoid commenting on bodies or appearances (your child’s, your own, or anyone else’s),” says Yip. 

She also advises modeling balanced eating and food as a way to nourish our bodies, as opposed to framing food as something that makes you lose or gain weight. Lastly she says to gently remind children that bodies change naturally. “Particularly, during growth and puberty, it’s important to validate their feelings,” she says.

Aldad also says that the best approach is to show curiosity and compassion rather than criticism or alarm by asking open-ended questions, if they engage in negative self-talk about their bodies.   

“Using prompts like ‘What makes you feel that way?’ can open the door to meaningful conversations about self-image,” he explains. “It [also] helps to talk openly about how [social media] photos are edited, staged, or filtered. When children understand that many of the images they see are manufactured, it reduces the power of comparison and encourages a healthier relationship with their bodies.”  

At the moment, I’m grateful that my little one has a healthy relationship with food and her body; and should that ever change, I will never express any kind of disappointment or judgment towards her. Instead, I’ll be there to support her to the best of my abilities using these suggestions with compassion, thoughtfulness, and an open heart.