Are you sure?
Often, I write about things I’ve discussed with my partner or friends.
Recently, my partner asked if writing has become my form of therapy, and that got me thinking. Maybe, one day, with a bigger audience, I’ll get my own therapy session. Until then, I’ll just stick with my little journal.
Dear diary
Since I can’t exactly say “dear diary” and pour my heart out with a side of curse words (which, trust me, is what I’d do if this were my real diary), I have to get creative with intros. And this time, I’m going for a bit of drama:
[Scene: A cozy, dimly lit living room. Tension hangs in the air, and frustration simmers as two people stand face-to-face.]
Person 1 (throwing hands up in exasperation):
“I’m trying my best, what the hell do you want from me?!”
Person 2 (hands on hips, eye-roll in full effect):
“Try harder. It’s like I’m talking to a wall. Nothing changes!”
Person 1 (stepping forward, voice rising):
“A wall? Are you serious? I’ve been bending over backwards for this!”
Person 2 (pointing, exasperated):
“Bending over backwards? Try actually being here when I need you! You expect me to read your mind every damn time?!”
Person 1 (mocking, rolling eyes):
“Oh, so now I’m supposed to be a psychic? Maybe if you communicated, I wouldn’t have to guess!”
Person 2 (voice growing louder, sarcastic):
“Communicate? You can’t even handle the basics! And somehow, I’m the one who’s wrong? As usual?”
Person 1 (shaking head, hands on hips):
“It’s not about right or wrong — it’s about effort! But that concept must be lost on you.”
Person 2 (sighing, turning to leave):
“Effort? You’ve been doing the bare minimum, and you want me to celebrate it? Screw this. I’m done.”
[Person 2 storms off, slamming the door.]
If this sounds familiar, congratulations — you’ve just entered the “trying to be logical” zone. Welcome to what could easily turn into a group therapy session. I think we all have a lot to unpack here, don’t we?
Different Versions of “Doing Your Best”
You’re trying, really trying, to keep the connection alive, but their “best” is… underwhelming.
At some point, you ask yourself: Am I doing more? And if so, why is it still not enough?
Because guess what? “Doing your best” is subjective.
And when you’re both speaking different languages, it’s bound to get messy.
When you pour all this emotional energy into someone and your partner just does enough to get by, you’re left wondering:
Can we both agree on what “doing our best” really means?
How Far Can We Go Before It’s Not Enough?
You start off thinking, maybe they’ll catch up, maybe things will change. But after a while, you realize: You can’t change their core character, just their habits (if they’re open to changing them, right?).
And that’s where the struggle begins.
You want more, but are you trying to change who they are? Or just hoping they’ll meet you halfway?
We all have different emotional needs. But if the “best” you’re getting doesn’t match your own, you have to ask: Why settle for just the basics?
Why Needs Aren’t “Needy”
Having needs doesn’t make you needy. It makes you human.
So many of us feel guilty for expressing them — like we’re asking too much. But no, you’re not asking too much. You just need someone who shows up, not someone who gives the bare minimum.
When their “best” feels like the bare minimum, you start to question: Am I too demanding?
No, you’re just asking for what’s fair. If they can’t meet you there, it’s not your fault. It’s their limit!!!
When to Walk Away: It’s Okay to Say “Enough”
At some point, you need to ask yourself: Are you giving your “best” and still not getting what you need, or are you staying in a loop of disappointment?
Walking away isn’t giving up — it’s setting the standard for what you deserve. You’ve tried. You’ve waited. But if their “best” isn’t enough, maybe it’s time to find someone whose best actually matches your effort.
This should stay with you:
Your needs are valid. They’re not too much — they’re just what you need to feel loved, respected, and valued. If someone’s “best” isn’t cutting it, you deserve someone who’s all-in, not just giving you crumbs.
Don’t settle for scraps when you deserve the whole damn meal.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
Does dating ever feel challenging, awkward or frustrating?
Turn Your Dating Life into a WOW! with our new classes and live coaching.
Click here for more info or to buy with special launch pricing!
***
—–
Photo credit: Eric Ward on Unsplash
The post “I’m Doing My Best” (But Are You Really?) appeared first on The Good Men Project.