Mom Criticizes Dad for Threatening To Punish Daughter

If there’s ever a time to expect a kid to be slow to follow or not follow instructions at all, it’s when you’re in a hurry. When you’re late for school/work, you can bet that’s when your child will either have a tantrum and/or refuse to do something they normally would to get you out the door.

Sure, it’s frustrating, and in some cases infuriating—but it turns out how we react as parents in those moments can mean more later on than we realize in the moment.

One dad who’s realizing this took to Reddit recently to share his story of how he took matters into his own hands to get his daughter to listen.

The Morning Rush to Frustration

In the subreddit designated for folks asking “Am I the a**hole” (AITA) for their role in various scenarios, the 34-year-old dad breaks down the situation in great detail. He describes how he, his wife, and their 10-year-old daughter were operating with one car, due to his being in the shop.

He says as they were preparing to leave for work and school one morning, his daughter got out of her booster seat and refused to get back into it. After both parents instructed her to get back in, he says his daughter responded with, “No I’m not sitting in that stupid booster seat you buttfaces.”

He then describes his wife’s continued attempts to calmly get their daughter to listen while the arguing continued, and his irritation grew.

“So turned to my daughter and told her if she didn’t get back in her booster seat she would lose her iPad for 3 days,” he writes. “After this she got back in her booster seat and buckled up. She didn’t talk to us and had a grumpy look on her face the whole car ride.”

Dad goes on to say after dropping their daughter off at school, his wife expressed her frustration with him for deciding on his own to threaten their daughter with punishment.

“She said we are BOTH her parents and we need to discuss things on how to deal with her misbehavior together and it’s not okay for one of us to just tell her she will be punished,” he recalls.

After trying to explain his reasoning behind the decision, he says his wife proceeded to give him the “cold shoulder” for the remainder of the day.

He does include an update to the subreddit post, saying he did speak with his daughter later that day about the car incident. During that conversation, he finds out his daughter was resistant to sitting in her booster seat because she had gotten picked on by another kid about it.

She describes this other kid as being a “bully” and not one of her friends. After encouraging his daughter to ignore bullies, the dad explained the safety reasons behind her booster seat—and he says his daughter accepted the reasoning and apologized for calling her parents “buttfaces.”

He ends the post by saying though his wife is open to communicating with him, they still have some issues to work on.

“Hopefully we will be able to work these out and get on the same page when it comes to parenting our daughter in not [too] long,” he writes.

Most Side With Dad but Adjustments Are Needed

There’s a strong consensus in the comments of the subreddit post that dad was in fact “not the a**hole” (NTA) in the story, with some even questioning why the proposed punishment didn’t go further.

“NTA no ipad for 3 days should be a super mild punishment, your wife is being very unreasonable. Besides what happens if another tantrum happens with only one of the parents present? Cannot make a deduction without the other? No way,” writes one person.

“Your wife was getting absolutely nowhere with that child. You can argue with children for literal hours and have it reach nowhere, you need a push and a shove sometimes and your proposed punishment wasn’t even all that bad,” writes another.

Someone else chimes in with, “Your kid called you a buttface with no consequences? wow.”

Indeed, many commenters spotlight the perceived parenting styles of mom and dad, and hypothesize that it may have been the catalyst in the situation.

One commenter in particular says, “Your wife is permissive parenting, not gentle parenting. Your daughter was in charge of the situation until you stepped in. Yeah you need to have a discussion about punishments, but it needs to be directed to your wife because yikes…”

Another believes it starts and ends with trust, saying, “Huh NTA. What happens when one of you isn’t there? Trust in the relationship and discuss how you want to set limitations and potential punishments for different things but again trust in your partner.”

Do What’s Necessary Now and Make Time for What’s Important Later

So, there are obviously a lot of layers here. I can understand mom’s frustration with dad taking matters into his own hands the way he did, especially if they’d set prior expectations around discipline. But given the situation, and how it had escalated, I believe dad did what was necessary in the moment.

I do think the follow-up conversation was key, though. Riding in a booster seat at age 10 is understandably tough for kids who get teased, but they still have to learn to behave appropriately. Finding out the story behind his daughter’s behavior instead of just punishing the behavior itself is what will lead to positive lasting impact.

When we’re short on time, doing what’s necessary (within reason, of course) to get to where we need to go is our job as parents. But circling back to identify and address any underlying issues is essential and responsible time management.