Parents, Intervene if Your Son Has Been ‘Redpilled’

When the movie The Matrix was first released in 1999, audiences immediately latched onto to the one of the same themes in the film: the idea of red pills and blue pills—one that could awaken you to the harsh reality of the world, and the other that let them remain in the comfort of the Matrix.Today, people are still borrowing that metaphor that to describe their ideological values most infamously in online communities that call themselves “redpilled.” 

Comprised mostly of young men they believe are awakened to the truth about society, these communities often exhibit troubling or even disturbing behavior that may raise red flags for parents. 

Here, we talk to experts who explain what exactly it means to be redpilled and why parents of teen boys in particular need to be watchful that their sons are not being influenced by the often harmful views of these online communities.

What It Means to Be ‘Redpilled’

Red pill ideology (or being redpilled) refers to a perceived awakening to a hidden truth and is often associated with a shift toward reactionary views, explains Yann Poncin, MD, a psychiatrist specializing in child and adolescent psychiatry and the vice chair of clinical affairs at the Yale Child Study Center.

“The term is frequently used within online communities and subcultures, particularly those associated with men’s rights, ‘incel’ (involuntarily celebite) ideology, and white supremacy,” says Dr. Poncin. “This includes…adhering to heteronormative gender roles with ‘gender-typical roles’ for each.”

Redpill communities are explicitly sexist

Oftentimes, young men who join redpill communities on spaces like Reddit are exposed to  misogynistic ideas, because a main tenet of the redpill belief system is that men are disenfranchised in a society that they feel favors women. 

“[Being redpilled] is used to describe a mindset where someone believes society is stacked against men, especially when it comes to dating, gender roles, and relationships,” explains Jill Murphy, chief content officer for Common Sense Media. “People in these online communities often claim that women are manipulative, overly focused on money and looks, and that feminism, and in general, female empowerment, has gone too far.”

“It is also heavily connected to the concept of the ‘manosphere,’ and influencers like Andrew Tate who espouse highly controversial and hate-filled views,” adds Matthew Solit, MSW, LMSW, a therapist and the North Division Executive Clinical Director at LifeStance.

What Are People Saying on Redpill Forums? 

Redpill content appears all over social media, from video platforms like TikTok to public community forums like Reddit and Discord. Parents who might be exploring these platforms in order to better understand their son’s interest and mindset should be forewarned that redpill language is overtly sexist, even racist or hateful toward other marginalized groups. 

For instance, before even being able to access r/TheRedPill on Reddit, users are served a warning which warns that the forum is “quarantined” because it’s “dedicated to shocking or highly offensive content.”

In another post titled “Trying so hard not to fall into Red Pill,” a Reddit user writes how frustrated he is because he “just can’t understand why women don’t like me,” claiming that he’s “finding it really hard to believe height and race don’t matter,” when it comes to how women choose romantic partners. This kind of reductive, bordering on racially insensitive thinking when it comes to women and romance is common in redpill communities. 

In a different post, another young man writes, “I started out black-pilled thinking that life is over for you if you’re below 6ft and handsome, then I began to research the red pill which changed my ideology into believing all women care about is money and fame, designed to be nothing more than a housewife, and men shouldn’t show emotion…What do I do? Get off the internet? Detox from toxic advice from the internet?”

A young woman who claims that she dated a man who followed the redpill ideology laid out some of the red flags in their relationship in her own post. For instance, he forced to unfollow male classmates and colleagues from her Instagram page, shamed her for going to the club with her friends, and ultimately broke up with her because he claimed she’s got overweight.

Why Is This Happening to Boys and Young Men?

Parents who feel that their values don’t align with redpill communities might be wondering how so many teen boys can be pulled into these spaces. But being a teenager can be isolating, confusing, and an emotional rollercoaster—and what can start as an attempt to find friends can quickly spiral into an unhealthy obsession. 

“Boys may feel unsure of who they are and are looking for a group or place to fit in. They are also spending far more time online where red pill content can pop up.” 

Red pill influencers speak directly to a boy’s feelings of insecurity or uncertainty, she says, and can make them feel they are being understood and heard. “The red pill movement delivers a simple explanation for why they might feel rejected or lonely. It also gives boys a sense of power or superiority over others, especially girls. And it’s a group to belong to, with shared language, inside jokes, and a strong identity. At its core, it is filling an emotional need.”

What Is Appealing About Red Pill Culture?

Red pill ideology has grown in popularity during an era of economic and cultural shifts, says Paromita Pain, PhD, an associate professor of global media at the University of Nevada, Reno. 

“Many young men feel disempowered or left behind in a world where traditional male roles are no longer guaranteed,” she says, which might pull them into communities where the message is that men are being treated unfairly. 

It appeals to young men who feel left behind

For instance, in a competitive, uncertain job market, young men may struggle with financial insecurity, underemployment, and lack of purpose, says Pain. They may also feel immense pressure to succeed without systemic support. “This aligns with the red pill message that only ‘alpha’ men win, and everyone else is a ‘beta’ who must work harder or be left behind.”

It provides a clear, simplistic worldview

That ties into the redpill community’s mission to discredit feminism in the eyes of its followers. Redpilled boys and young men may interpret feminism not as a push for equality but as a threat to male identity, she says. “Red pill ideology frames feminism as deceptive and hostile, encouraging young men to reject empathy and cooperation in favor of suspicion and dominance.”

Redpill culture offers confused young men a black-and-white worldview—men are alphas or betas; women are hypergamous (in other words, only looking to increase their status); and relationships are transactions, explains Pain. 

“This simplicity feels comforting in contrast to the ambiguity of real life. Many young men feel directionless, especially in a digital age where friendships and communities are fragmented. The red pill community provides a brotherhood—a group where they feel seen, validated, and part of something larger than themselves.”

It allows young men to avoid accountability

Redpill culture also gives young men a scapegoat to explain their disappointments, especially in dating, employment, or social status, she says—and absolves them from the harder work of taking accountability, developing new skills, or improving their own emotional and mental health.

“Instead of seeing their problems as personal or systemic, it blames feminism, women, or a ‘rigged’ society. This externalization relieves feelings of failure or shame by turning them into anger and purpose.”

And for those struggling with identity or self-worth, Pain says they may see this version of masculinity as a path to self-respect and admiration. “It offers rules for being a ‘real man,’ which can feel stabilizing to those who feel lost or unsure of how to act in modern relationships.”

Signs Your Son Has Been Redpilled

Because you can’t monitor your teen’s Internet use 24/7, especially as they get older, your teen might have encountered redpill content online. Here are some red flags that your child may be exploring redpill culture. 

Their vocabulary changes

Shifts in language and attitude are usually the first signs your son may be ascribing to red pill ideology. Our experts suggest listening for an increase in their use of terms like redpill, alpha, and incel and to pay attention to how they talk about women, dating, and power.

“It’ll be quite obvious typically in the language they use, which can feel like borrowed opinions if they are outside of the family’s typical views or conversations,” says Dr. Poncin. 

They become more secretive

You also may notice more secrecy around internet use or more time on Reddit or Discord. They also might be more sarcastic, defensive, or even argumentative if you ask about what they are watching or reading.

How Parents Should Respond

If you suspect that your son has been redpilled, the goal is to communicate with your child without panicking or starting an argument, says Murphy. Here are some things she says you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

• Share your curiosity. Ask who (as in what creators and influencers) and what types of content they are watching or reading online, she says. Ask them to share what platforms they frequent and what they think of the messages an influencer might be giving them. “Let them share their opinion without giving them yours,” she says. 
• Lean in to critical thinking. In the context of the redpill’s community misogynistic messaging, engage in a conversation about whether they think these messages and opinions apply to all women. Ask their emotional reaction to these messages, and how they make them feel about both themselves and the women in their lives. Tell them that influencers often oversimplify complicated issues—and may have their own agendas.
• Offer other role models. Show them some content creators that offer more positivity and healthy perspectives, that might align more with your family values, says Murphy. Introduce them to content creators, books, podcasts, or family members who display healthier ways to be strong, kind, and confident. They need to see that there’s more than one way to “be a man,” she says.
• Stay connected. This is the most important thing, says Murphy. Kids listen to people they feel safe with. Even if they roll their eyes or resist, your steady presence makes a big difference. If you suspect more concerning issues at play, like depression or anxiety, or more involved in redpill culture to the point that they have threatened to harm themselves or others, it’s imperative to seek the help of a mental health professional immediately.

“The key is understanding the emotional needs that red pill ideology fulfills and offer healthier alternatives while building trust and critical thinking,” says Pain. “Instead of confronting them directly or labeling beliefs as toxic or misogynistic, ask questions that invite reflection.” 

If you do decide to broach this touch topic with your kids, treat them with respect so they don’t feel attacked or dismissed, even if you find their views upsetting, she adds. 

“Red pill spaces often appeal to boys who feel invisible or misunderstood,” explains Pain. “Feeling heard by a parent builds trust and keeps the door open for deeper conversations. And remember, behind most red pill beliefs are real emotions—loneliness, rejection, insecurity, or confusion. Start by validating the feeling, not the ideology.”