I’ve loved, lost, and learned.
And somewhere between all three, I realized this:
It’s not always about what you do in a relationship.
It’s about what you’re willing to stop doing.
And when I finally let go of these five habits, our relationship didn’t just survive—it transformed.
Let me tell you what I removed. Maybe you’ll find a piece of yourself in this too.
1. The Silent Scorekeeping
I used to keep track.
Of who said sorry first.
Of who initiated the last date night.
Of who texted “good morning” more often.
But love isn’t a tally board. The moment I stopped treating kindness like currency and started giving freely, everything changed.
He noticed. And he gave more too—not because he had to, but because he wanted to.
2. The “I’m Fine” Lie
Ladies, you know this one.
He asks, “Is something wrong?”
You smile, shake your head, and whisper, “I’m fine.”
But underneath? You’re boiling.
I’ve learned this the hard way—pretending to be okay doesn’t make things okay.
So I stopped using silence as punishment. I started using words—even if they were messy.
And I watched us grow more emotionally fluent with each honest sentence.
3. The Mind-Reading Expectation
I used to expect him to just “know.”
To sense when I needed support.
To guess when I was upset.
To understand my love language without me ever saying it.
Truth? That’s not love. That’s a guessing game.
Once I started communicating my needs clearly, we fought less and loved better.
Because real love isn’t psychic. It’s spoken.
4. The Instagram Comparison Trap
Scrolling through perfect couples with matching outfits and Maldives sunsets?
Guilty.
But I had to stop comparing our quiet mornings and silly kitchen dances to someone else’s filtered fantasy.
The moment I started honoring our story, I realized it was more beautiful than any curated post.
Real love isn’t always picture-perfect. But it’s real. And that’s enough.
5. The Fear of Being “Too Much”
I used to dim my feelings. Laugh a little softer. Need a little less.
Just to not scare him away.
But then I realized: if I had to shrink to be loved, it wasn’t love.
So I showed up—loud feelings, deep thoughts, and all.
And he didn’t run.
In fact, he pulled me closer.
The relationship you’re dreaming of might not need more effort.
It might need less pretending.
Less silence.
Less guessing.
Less comparison.
Less fear.
Sometimes, removing what no longer serves your connection is the fastest way to deepen it.
So if you’re wondering why things feel off, maybe it’s not what you haven’t done…
Maybe it’s what you haven’t let go of yet.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
Does dating ever feel challenging, awkward or frustrating?
Turn Your Dating Life into a WOW! with our new classes and live coaching.
Click here for more info or to buy with special launch pricing!
***
—–
Photo credit: Yared Leura on Unsplash
The post Remove These 5 Habits From Your Relationship—and Watch It Deepen Instantly appeared first on The Good Men Project.