Should You Give In to Your Kids? This Doctor Says Yes

Knowing when to tell a child “yes” or “no” can be tricky. Parents often find there’s a delicate balance between giving in too often and seeming too strict or rigid.

So, people took notice when Nika Douvikas, MD, a pediatrician in New Jersey, advised on the subject in a TikTok video earlier this month.

“Give in to your kids right away,” she says in the video.

The approach may seem controversial but let’s break it down.

Why Is Giving in to Your Kids a Recommendation?

Dr. Douvikas shares a scenario: a parent is having an “off day” and feeling “overstimulated or overtired,” and their child asks for something that “maybe isn’t that big of a deal, but it’s just not something you’re thrilled about.” She advises to “just say yes immediately.”

If you say “no,” she explains, “they start screaming, they start crying, and you’re not in the right mindset to follow through,” you might say “yes” eventually. Dr. Douvikas says that giving in at that point would teach the child: “If I just complain enough, if I just cry enough, if I scream enough, eventually I’ll get them to say ‘yes.’”

She explains that kids will learn to repeat that whining and complaining behavior later on, likely making things much worse in the future.

Of course, Dr. Douvikas notes that there’s a big exception for safety issues and personal values, but she says, “It’s OK to say yes to an extra 30 minutes of screen time or an extra piece of chocolate if it means improving your mental health for that day,” especially if that means “you don’t make your life harder in the future.”

Dr. Douvikas then adds that, when parents do indeed say “no,” they should “follow through, no matter how hard it is.”

Is It a Good Idea?

Viewers seemed to generally agree with the pediatrician’s perspective, with one commenter writing, “This is so wise!!!” and another posting, “This is facts. Both my kids do this [because] I always give in from annoyance.”

But is Dr. Douvikas’ tactic the best solution? It can be at times.

Kimberly Bennett, PsyD, an adolescent psychologist based in Belfast, Northern Ireland, says, “It’s absolutely fine, and even beneficial, to you and your child to find the easy ‘yes,’ especially on days that feel tricky.”

But on tough days, there can be other ways for parents to protect or restore their energy, says Phil Boucher, MD, a board-certified pediatrician based in Lincoln, Nebraska. 

“You can absolutely make your day-to-day easier without catering to your child’s every whim,” he says, suggesting parents plan in advance to put on a show to entertain their kids while they prepare dinner, or skip bathtime if needed.

Dr. Bennett also shares that it’s important to try and focus on communication and negotiation development with your children in moments when there’s a “yes” or “no” battle. 

How To Give In to Kids in a Smart Way

Aside from situations where safety is a factor, there are moments when parents and kids can work together to find a solution that satisfies both parties. Here’s what experts suggest.

Leave room for negotiation 

Dr. Bennett says negotiation is a crucial skill—even if you’ve already said no.

When a child initially gets a “no,” and can push back with a reasonable argument, Dr Bennett says “they’re engaging in problem-solving, perspective-taking, and even emotional regulation.” 

Plus, research suggests that children learn through social interaction and dialogue, so opening up a conversation, rather than forcing yourself, as a parent, to stick with your initial decision can help a child learn to communicate and advocate for themselves.

But of course, she recognizes that there’s a difference between a child whining and genuine negotiation. The key, she says, is how the parent responds.

“If a child whines, rather than simply giving in or holding a rigid ‘no,’ we can invite them to explain their reasoning. This shifts the interaction from one based on persistence to one based on reasoning and compromise,” Dr. Bennett says. “Over time, this approach teaches children that effective communication—not just repetition—leads to better outcomes.”

She adds that parents should worry less about “conditioning” children to whine, and put more attention toward teaching kids that persuasive reasoning and respectful persistence can be valuable. 

“Because in the real world—whether it’s school, work, or relationships—those skills will serve them far better than blind obedience to an initial ‘no,’” she says.

Explain why a ‘no’ became a ‘yes’

While Dr. Bennett says some decisions may be altered through parent-child negotiation, sometimes a “no” is turned into a “yes” (and vice versa) for other reasons.

Parents may simply change their minds. For example, after telling a child they can’t go out for pizza, the parent decides going out (and keeping the kitchen clean) isn’t such a bad idea.

Rebekah Diamond, MD, a board-certified pediatrician, assistant professor at Columbia University, and New York City hospitalist, says that when changing a decision, parents should explain what brought about the new ruling. 

“When an initial ‘no,’ becomes a ‘yes,’ it’s helpful to explain why, rather than making it seem like you’ve ‘lost’ or ‘given in,’” she says.

After all, if your child is complaining, asking for the thing they want over and over, or whining about an original decision being “unfair,” the parent wouldn’t want them to think these tactics worked.

Meanwhile, explaining the change could help a child understand the parent’s thinking—and make it clear that their behavior wasn’t part of the decision-making process.

Avoid creating a habit

Dr. Douvikas is careful to explain in her video that her tactic of “just saying yes” is only for special occasions. That makes sense as Dr. Boucher is concerned that a habit of giving children a stream of “yeses” could set them up with an entitlement mentality—teaching them that their every desire should be accommodated. 

“While it might feel like an easy way to avoid conflict in the moment, it’s not a sustainable long-term strategy,” he says. “Boundaries aren’t about being rigid or ruining fun; they’re about teaching kids self-regulation, responsibility, and resilience.”

He references Laura Numeroff’s classic children’s book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, explaining that, “without clear limits, children quickly learn to push for more and eventually the ‘more’ is too much for parents.”

Find balance

Dr. Diamond acknowledges that every parent is bound to have an “off” day, and when this happens, she says, “It’s important to pick your battles and decide when you need to acquiesce and regroup for everyone’s well-being.”

Still, Dr. Boucher keeps his focus on the bigger picture, stressing the importance of creating structure for children.

“Research consistently shows that children raised without consistent limits struggle more with self-control, frustration tolerance, and emotional regulation,” he says, adding that children raised without clear boundaries often have higher levels of anxiety and struggle in relationships as they grow older.

Learning when to say “yes” and “no,” Dr. Boucher says, is about balance.

“Too rigid, and you risk creating fear and resentment. Too lenient, and you leave kids without the structure they need to feel safe and capable,” he says. “The goal isn’t to always say yes—it’s to say yes when it’s reasonable and no when it’s necessary, with kindness and confidence.”