The One Question Parents Need To Ask Before Every Playdate

Talking to other parents about guns can be a challenging topic and one that can feel awkward at best. But experts say that with gun injuries being the leading cause of death for kids ages 1 to 17, these discussions absolutely must take place.

As parents, you likely ensure the seatbelt is on, ask about nuts in the house if a child has an allergy, and provide emergency numbers just in case, says Marizen Ramirez, MPH, PhD, a public health expert. “Why not integrate [discussions about gun storage] into the conversations when you mention the peanut allergies or leave your emergency number?”

Encouraging this line of thinking and other preventative actions is exactly what prompted the Ad Council to develop the “Agree to Agree” initiative. The goal was to create a campaign focused on finding common ground among parents and to reduce the impact of gun violence on kids in the U.S.

“While tackling the crisis of gun violence may feel like an incredibly complicated and difficult task, we actually have more in common than we think, especially when we center it around our children’s safety,” says Ben Hoffman, MD, CPST-I, FAAP, a pediatrician, “Agree to Agree” advisor, and professor of pediatrics at OHSU Doernbecher Children’s Hospital and Oregon Health and Science University. “If we start conversations from the common ground we do share, there are tangible nonpartisan actions everyone can take to bend the curve of gun violence and decrease its impact on children and teens.”

The ‘Agree to Agree’ Approach

Dr. Hoffman calls “Agree to Agree” a groundbreaking, nonpartisan effort. It was launched in February 2025 in partnership with a coalition of health systems and hospitals across the country.

“This effort seeks to address the devastating reality that for the last four years in our country, firearm injuries have been the leading cause of death for children and teens,” he says. “Through this partnership, the Ad Council is bringing urgent attention to the horrific impact of gun violence on children and teens, reminding Americans—from parents to health care professionals to community members, gun owners, and non-gun owners alike—that we all have a role to play in curbing this crisis.”

Overall, “Agree to Agree” wants to shift the conversation away from one of division to one of agreement, adds Dr. Hoffman.

“We can all agree that no child or teen should be harmed because of, or by, a firearm,” says Dr. Hoffman. “The fact of the matter is that too many young people in America are being injured and killed as a result of firearm injuries. Whether they are 2, 10, or 17 years old, any death from a firearm injury is one too many.”

Why Parents Need To Have These Conversations

Naturally, talking about guns can cause anxiety, especially if you’ve never talked about firearms in the homes of your friends and neighbors before, says Dr. Hoffman.

“We know that about 40% of homes with kids in them in the U.S. also have guns,” explains Dr. Hoffman. “We need to acknowledge this fact and normalize it.”

When your child goes over to a friend or relative’s house for a playdate or sleepover, Dr. Hoffman says, it’s just as important to ask how firearms are stored as it is to talk about other safety concerns. That’s critical as researches with Northeastern University and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health conducted a national survey in 2021 and found 36% of homes with kids had unlocked firearms, while 37% had loaded ones.

While you don’t want to come off accusatory or judgmental, you do want to ensure that if there are guns in the home, they are stored securely out of a child’s reach.

Tips for Talking To Other Parents About Guns

One-on-one conversations tend to work best when they’re matter-of-fact and low-key, not framed as debates or critiques, says Lauren Levin, chief advocacy officer for Sandy Hook Promise. “Approaching the topic calmly and respectfully helps keep the focus on practical safety details rather than personal beliefs about gun ownership,” she says.

Levin suggests starting with shared, everyday priorities of keeping kids safe. And, when talking about gun safety, approach it the same way you would discuss whether or not the liquor cabinet is locked or the pool is gated. When the conversation stays focused on logistics and expectations, rather than values or judgment, it’s easier to keep things comfortable and take the practical steps to keep your kids safe, she says.

“I like to proactively offer an easy playdate checklist when we are getting together with a new family,” says Levin. “Something like, ‘We’re excited to get the kids together! Here’s a quick safety checklist we usually do—we’ve got a gluten allergy, the kids are fine with pets, our pool’s gated, and we don’t have any firearms at home. How about on your end?'”

Levin says if firearms are present and it doesn’t feel like the right fit for your family, it’s OK to suggest a different location for the playdate. But, if you’re comfortable moving forward, she suggests asking a few practical questions about how firearms are stored, such as whether they’re locked and kept separate from ammunition.

There are also resources, such as conversation guides and preventative actions you can take, available on the “Agree to Agree” website.

What Your Kid Should Know About Guns

Even when you have talked to a parent about gun safety, things can still go sideways, says Dr. Ramirez. “I found out years later that during one of my daughter’s playdates, her friend showed her father’s gun hidden under a panel in the floor. It shocked me to the core,” she says. “I have always been the careful mom, and I should; I study injuries and violence after all. How could this happen?”

Dr. Ramirez says that before the playdate, she had asked the mom about firearms and trusted the family. Yet, it still happened. “My daughter had never seen a firearm before, and here she was, staring at one,” she adds. “She didn’t handle it, thankfully.”

She says this is why you need to prepare your kids for how to handle the situation ahead of time. Even when you talk to the other parent about guns, your child can still be exposed. She offers the following suggestions, which she credits to the National Rifle Association (NRA), on how to keep kids safe. If your child sees a firearm, tell them to take the following actions:

1. Stop
2. Don’t touch
3. Run away
4. Tell an adult

“While we all want to believe that our own children would not play with a gun they found, sadly, we know that it is not always the case,” says Dr. Hoffman. “You know your child better than anyone, and while some may be able to resist exploring a firearm, some will not. Teaching kids and teens to never touch a gun, to leave the immediate vicinity, and to tell a trusted adult as soon as possible is ideal.”

Bottom line: you play an important role in giving your kids clear, simple guidance about firearms, says Levin. Rather than relying on what they may hear online or from peers, you should set straightforward expectations about safety.

And don’t wait for your child to come to you about this topic. “Find a moment when you both have time to talk and start a conversation with age-appropriate communication about gun safety, why guns can be dangerous, and answer any questions they may have,” says Dr. Hoffman.