This Is Where A Lot of Men Get It Wrong
Let me say something I wish I understood earlier.
Loving someone isn’t enough.
Being there isn’t enough.
Wanting her isn’t enough.
Saying “I care” isn’t enough.
Because none of that automatically means she feels considered.
And for a long time, I thought I was doing great just by showing up.
I wasn’t cheating.
I wasn’t disappearing.
I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
But I also wasn’t really paying attention.
I avoided hard conversations because I didn’t want conflict.
I told myself I was “easygoing.”
I told myself things would work themselves out.
What I was really doing was choosing comfort over connection.
See, a woman shouldn’t have to constantly explain how she feels.
She shouldn’t have to translate her emotions into bullet points.
She shouldn’t feel like she’s managing the emotional side of the relationship while you’re just coasting.
That’s not partnership.
That’s emotional outsourcing.
A lot of men say, “I’m not good with emotions,”
but still expect their partner to be emotionally fluent in everything nurturing, patient, understanding, available.
That imbalance adds up.
Because considering your partner isn’t about grand gestures.
It’s about noticing.
Listening.
Adjusting.
It’s asking yourself, “How does this land for her?”
Not just, “Does this work for me?”
You’re not alone in the relationship.
You chose someone.
And choosing someone means learning how they receive love not just offering it the way that feels easiest to you.
When a woman feels considered, she feels safe.
And when she feels safe, she softens.
She opens up.
She trusts you with parts of herself she doesn’t give to just anyone.
But when she feels dismissed…
when she feels unheard…
when she feels like she’s talking and nothing’s changing…
She won’t keep fighting forever.
She’ll get quiet.
And that quiet isn’t peace it’s her pulling back to protect herself.
So if you want a healthy relationship, don’t just “be there.”
Be present.
Be intentional.
Be willing to do the uncomfortable work.
Because love without consideration eventually feels lonely.
And I learned that way later than I should have.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Henri Pham On Unsplash
The post What Women Mean When They Say “I Just Want You to Listen” appeared first on The Good Men Project.